A new video from Osama bin Laden was released on Al-Jazeera television Monday, the first time the fugitive Al Qaeda leader has appeared on film in nearly a year. In the video, interpreted by President Bush and his cabinet, bin Laden is quoted as saying "Run, run as fast as you can Mr. President George Walter Bush, you can't catch me, I'm the Osama bin Laden-man."

Bin Laden is also said to boast in the video that he is totally dominating the hide and seek game that he and Saddam Hussein were playing with the United States. Bigfoot reportedly is also involved in the game but was unavailable for comment before this article went to press.


The real Guinness World Record holder for hide and seek champion? Jimmy Hoffa.

US intelligence forces are currently reviewing the video for clues, but bin Laden's whereabouts are still unknown. United States intelligence forces have speculated his whereabouts to be somewhere along the border of Pakistan.

The real punch line is that we are still able to run these stories six years after we started hunting this dude.